me as zoolander

exams over

my exams are finally over. i celebrated by drinking a mug of wine and watching the flintstones followed by the jetsons. then cailliou was on and I listened to the themesong but didn't watch it.
now is the beginning of a new era of slacking, lazing around, loafing it up, and relaxing with intermittent complaining. ah I love the holidays, also, here is a picture of me as zoolander.

studying

I study in a dark lonely corner at an uncomfortable desk with nothing anywhere that could give me pleasure. I figre if I suck all the life out of studying, it can't fight back.

¿

You know what's a cool word? Dwindle. Like that one time when me and dwindle were hangin out at that guy's house, and he was like, "dude, I betta you can't finish that whole thing," and I was like, "you're fuckin on!" and then I finished it. Put that bastard in his place. He sure didn't see that comming. Asshole.

This is the evil rabbit that will get you. You better run.

here is some bad poetry

running
the shadow comes closer
running
like a ploom extending to infinity
walking
it peers at me with scalding eyes
walking
I turn to face it
sitting
it opens itslef, I have nothing to fear
sitting
its bony fingers embrace me
studying
I am at robarts
the sadness

by, me

here's another poem

Sadness
it envelopes me
I sit in the corner waiting for it to come
it doesn't dissapoint
it never dissapoints
yet it is disappointing

I wrote two poems, that means I am a poet. Next stop, pirate, puppet, poet, pauper, pawn and king, then I will be frank sinatra. and I will exude coolness like a cell exudes potassium thrhough active transport channels, or toxings though exocytosis.

here's some math, If U is a subspace (zero exists, closed under addition and scalar multiplication), then U=U-perp-perp
Proof
if X is in U and Y is in U perp, then U-perp =the set of all vectors Y s.t. XdotY=0. if Z is in U perp perp, then U perp is the set of all Z s.t. YdotZ=zero, but by definition U is any vector X (=Z) where YdotX(or Z)=zero (by commutativity of dot product). Therefore every element of Uperp perp is in U. Moreover, dim(U) + dim(U perp) = n and dim(U perp) + dim( U perp perp)=n, which implies that dim(U)=dim(Uperp perp). Since U perp perp is contained in U and has the same dimention as U, U perp perp equals U by the fundamental theorem of algebra.

confused?? it means that if you draw two lines at right angles to each other, the first line equals itself. see, math is useful, how else would I have known that that line was itself?

L.L. Vanilla Q. Cubus

I got pimpin cars
their rims big as houses
betta show me respect
else I be stealin yo spouses

I been shot three times
but like dem rims what keep spinnin
I got mo bling now
and I be sippin on my gin'n...

...tonic
I got chronic
like the plague, I'm bubonic
bad like robotnic in sonic
all the bitches wannit
you try to draw, I already drawnit
you think you on, I'm already on it

so Hey, Hoe
all my niggaz say
Hey, Hoe
we be chillin say
Hey, Hoe
Hey, Hoe

when I'm in da club
all my bitches be bouncin
there be so much krystal
slike a mutha fuckin fountain

I see some fine ass
like a panther I'm pouncin
we get off in da corner
we be screwin not dancin

Ladies love my bling
I'm da king
verile like a spring
I be fornicating
wit no ring
you aint fit to be under my wing
you suck, you got nothing

so Hey, Hoe
all my niggaz say
Hey, Hoe
we be chillin say
Hey, Hoe
Hey, Hoe

Ya try ta cross me?
ya best take what's commin
I know kung foo shit
you gonna be runnin

I'll cut you, you fucker
you'll pay for it in blood
I'll stab you, I'll slice you
shove yo face in the mud

you be so messed up
you own mamma be shunnin
be she aint safe neither
cause I'm'ma come gunnin...

...her down
I see your frown
you scared you fuckin clown
you beta leave town
don't wanna see you aroun
I wear the crown
you wear a fuckin gown
I'm'ma kill you, yo face be white, no mo' brown

so Hey, Hoe
all my niggaz say
Hey, Hoe
we be chillin say
Hey, Hoe
Hey, Hoe


what? WHAT??
that's right

don't tell me

my girlfriend is so nice. we had lunch on a rainbow, and i didn't eat the grapes. then we ate dinner for free because we had to wait in the desert for forty days and nights. it was a white pizza with green. also my phone was alone on the couch. it called to say it missed me and i had to buy it chocolate before it forgave me. but we are friends again.

no one will be the wizer

now everyone will think I'm the real Daniel.....ha ha ha

might be going to italy

I'm so tired, I wish I were asleep. but alas, now I am listening to queen. somtimes you wonder, "where did those bands get their name?" but not with queen. whe don't ask that question because we don't like where it leads us.

On a different note, I was looking for a song on my computer screen the other day and I clicked on it and it wouldn't play. then I realized that the computer was off. So I turned upside down and tried again. the second time it worked of course, because they always say third time's a charm. you just can't argue with something when it rhymes. even if it doesn't actually rhyme with anything like purple.

be careful

I noticed i've been writing things that are far too meaningful for my target audience, that being myself. so i'll take things down a notch and tell me a story about something I may or may not have actually done.
my wife was killed by a one armed man, so I was mad and sad. then, they accused me so I ran away. then I saved a busload of schoolchildren from a fire, and all their mothers liked me. and then I carved a totem pole, it went: frog, rabbit, bear, horse, cougar, pigeon, rat. from top to bottom, in that order. then I rolled the totem pole down a hill and it crushed all the innocent bystanders exactly the way a feather wouldn't. (the bystanders were evil for some reason)

The Gambler

On a warm summer's eve, on a train bound for nowhere, I met up with a gambler, we were both too tired to sleep. So we took turns a starin', out the window at the darkness, the boredom overtook us, and he began to speak:

he said, "son I work at the bay and they gave me this free watch so I'm gonna put it in the pot" and he did. And I won the pot, and took the watch, and now I have a watch. You can move the hands by pushing a button instead of turning a knob. I think there are tiny gnomes in there and when you push the button a red light flashes and the foregnome says, "allright boys, heave, ho, heave, ho" and they all push with all their strength and advance the minute hand by 20 seconds.
it only moves forwards though

foil

for those who care, tinfoil is made of tin, not aluminum. Aluminum foil is made of aluminum. Not to many people use tinfoil because its hard to find because its poison for your food. Also its flowy, like fabric, and doesn't keep its shape too well. you can't out chemistry me, my dear anonymous ( which sounds far to much like "a non-mouse").
on a lighter note I finally got the kenny rogers song, I had to download a complete anthology of his to get it, but now I can dance the jig to my buddy kenny whenever I so chose. ho-down at my place tonight, bring your cowboy hats and boots, I'll bring the music

and I'd have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids

it would appear my evil face did not fit on one line. damn, foiled agian

Kenny

I am seething with anger. "she believes in my" sung by kenny rogers has alluded, or eluded me yet again. someone will pay
I bet it will be me because I'm not sleeping
damn
oh well, you know who slept don't you.....Hitler! }:-<, that's my evil face I just invented, I'm so clever

warning

Today I found a place that gives you free cookies and tea. It was like alice in wonderland but with less talking animals. Unless you count people as animals, in which case there are more talking animals. and a piano. I don't really like tea, but I like cream and sugar and cookies. also, I folded a napkin into a crown and evan put it on his head but it fell off cause it was too small. and then he used it as a cup holder, and I said , "ha, that's exactly what I wanted you to do with it, ha ha ha ha." and then he took a sip and pretended to choke. and then he did choke.
Clearly I have the power to choke people, like darth vader, or the mummy (not the new mummy, the old mummy who was black and white and really scary). So for the good of humanity i'm locking myself in my room. I am a danger to others.

Brain

Last night something of unspeakable evil happened to my brain. Today me and math homework are not getting along. We used to be best friends. Picknicks in the park, long strolls by the beach, making snowmen, integrating functions, finding tangent volumes to four dimentional graphs. And it just got better and better. No more. So sad.
I told math we were on a break. he told me I have a test comming up and he's the only one with any say in the matter. Then I stabbed him with a coat hanger. Like that fetus. He never saw it comming. Like that fetus.

The Extent of my Love

Tonight I wrote a song called the extent of my love with Kristen and Alex. Its the corniest peace of garbage to ever walk the face of the earth. And oh how it walks. Not a graceful walk.. It walks like an elephant kangaroo hybred. But at the same time it's graceful in a very that-butch-girl-from-"a leage of their own" kind of way. You should all listen to it, if you want to ask me and I'll email it. 4 megs ish.

Also I found those prickly balls on my sock and I don't know how they got there. cause I was wearing shoes. strange. almost as strange as if there was an elephant hiding in my shoes. actually elephants are good at hiding. Have you ever seen the elephants in the smarties boxes?.....pretty good disguise eh.....

poke the bunny

this is the best website ever

http://www.platinumgrit.com/poke.html

you get to poke a bunny. You'll like it. Maybe even too much.........
don't poke any real rabbits, I got bit. in the neck too. damn langomorph, I'll poke it good......when it least suspects it. I think king louis invented poking, or at least he should have. If not, then I invented poking. take that king louis (lousy dead guy)

shut up fishbayn

fishbayn, you suck.

hot hot hot

I just ate a pepperoni stick that was so hot I got dizzy. and my fingers feel fuzzy. and I drew in all the wrinkels of my knuckels with blue ink. I think it makes me look distinguished. Not as distinguished as that one guy though. man was he ever distinguished. you know the guy. the one with the sleeves. all I have to do is kill him and then I'll be the distinguishedest. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

dissapeared

it would seem my website has vanished. I can't find it, but i can still type this. odd. where could it be hiding? I think so much coolnes distributed to so many people over the internet would have made the world explode, so they got rid of it untill they could find away to stabalize the coolness. Sometimes when pencils are missing they are behind me ear. Maybe that's where the website is....I can't see back there without a mirrir. plus I'm wearing a hat, so I couldn't see back there even with a mirror.

god hates me

today I got a pamphlet. it was thumbtacked to a telephone pole and I ripped it down. then I read it in a crazy preacher voice on the street. loudly.


"you will die and be cast into the lake of fire because of your sin...you have god's word on it."

scary eh?

I hope I make that cool sizzling sound when I go in the lake. like when you put rice krispies in hot soup. or anything hot. or milk, but louder and faster. maybe they weren't rice krispies anyway. it was at a chinese restaurant.

why am I so cool?

when I was born, a leaf from the cool plant fell on my head. Then I found sunglasses. then I said "ehhhh!" like fozzy. or fonzie, I can't remember. so, on with the story. then I found a majic lamp and the genie said you're so cool. so I wished for some candy. and he gave it to me. I didn't want anything else but I keep the lamp in my pants. then I say, you want to see the genie come out of its lamp, and point to my crotch. no one ever says yes, their loss.

yum.....website

today I have a website, tommorw I might have a golden orb. Or a glowing fiery orb: a mobe, as it were. Who can tell? Not I. Maybe a mountain guru. or a forest guru. as long as they have a long beard. no beardless guru's. it would seem I have left capitals behind.